


John Shepard

by periferal



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Canon Era, F/M, Ilos, Paragon Commander Shepard, Post-Mass Effect 1, Romance, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-05
Updated: 2017-08-05
Packaged: 2018-12-11 07:06:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11709363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/periferal/pseuds/periferal
Summary: John has scars he feels a need to explain, after he freaks out at Liara after they have sex.





	John Shepard

**Author's Note:**

> This started out as an attempt to explain why, at the end of the sex scene with Liara in 1, you end up sitting by the vid screen fully clothed while she's still naked.   
> Which is why it incorporates part of the canon dialogue. 
> 
> I've drawn a lot from my own experiences, here.

              “Commander, what are you doing?” Liara asked, concerned.

              She and Shepard had just slept together, and Liara had expected John to fall asleep after they cleaned up, or otherwise become temporarily less responsive, based on her previous experience with humans.

              Instead, John had decided that now was the time to hastily pull his clothes back on. “Getting dressed,” he said. He grabbed his belt from where he had dropped it near Liara’s bed and pulled it. “Do you know where my shirt is?”

              “Near where my clothes are,” Liara said. She sat up, not bothering to seek out her own clothes. She was not planning to leave unless John kicked her out. “Did I do something wrong?”

              John froze, half way through pulling his shirt on. “No,” he said. “Why would you think that?”

              Liara stared at him, unsure if she was being toyed with for some unfathomable reason, or if he really was this awkward. It being Shepard, she realized the latter made the most sense. “You are getting dressed immediately after coupling. This is a fairly universal sign of your wanting to leave, potentially due to dissatisfaction with the encounter.”

              “What?” That was genuine surprise on his face. “No, no, it’s not,” he shook his head, “it’s not that, I just. I’m not good at being naked.” He pulled his shirt all the way on. “Makes me feel exposed, you know? And I’ve got… I’ve got scarring.” He looked embarrassed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. This was really nice, I just panicked, I think. Wasn’t thinking.”

              “I noticed,” Liara said. “That the Goddess you are not as thoughtless on the battlefield, or else this mission to Ilos would end in tragedy.”

              “Yeah,” John said. He rubbed a hand over his face. “And I’m in my own quarters, too,” he said, “so this is doubly stupid.”

              He sat near the vid screen. Liara could not bring herself to stay annoyed at him, since he showed no intention of leaving, despite his earlier haste.

              “You were incredible,” Liara said. She smiled. “Thoughtlessness aside.”

              “You were incredible, too,” Shepard said.

              “ _Five minutes ETA to the Mu relay_.” Joker’s voice broke them both out of the awkwardness with a reminder of what they were here to do.

              “I should probably go,” Liara said, reaching down to get her clothes. “You don’t want to keep Joker waiting.” She reached out to touch John’s hand. “John, no matter what happens on Ilos, I just wanted to say thank you. For everything.”

              Fully dressed, she left John’s quarters, the doors closing behind her.

* * *

 

              When John walked out of the wreckage of the Citadel core almost entirely unharmed, Liara was not sure whether she wanted to kiss him or punch him. From the looks of it, Kaiden was having similar thoughts, staring at their Commander with a mix of relief and exasperation.

              “Do you really have to pose dramatically?” Kaidan asked as John jumped down to run over to them both.

              “Yes,” John said. “I’m really glad you’re okay,” he said, reaching out a hand to Liara. She squeezed it for a few seconds.

              “I think the Council wants to talk to you,” Liara said.

              John sighed. “Oh, please no,” he said, even as he started to make his way in the direction pointd to by one of the C-Sec guards who had found them. “Liara, do you know if Wrex would like to arm wrestle? Because arm wrestling a Krogan sounds more fun right now.”

              “I feel Dr. Chakwas would have words with you, Commander,” Liara said.

              She hoped she and John would be able to have some time alone, soon. With all the chaos that had followed their arrival on Ilos, it had not been the time for him to explain his odd behavior that night.

* * *

 

              It was almost a full day later, after they had all been allowed to return to the Normandy, that John showed up at the med bay lab. Liara had returned there, wishing to go over what she had been working on, and because it was the place most familiar to her on the Normandy.

              “Hi,” John said. “I wanted to explain something to you, about a few nights ago. With all the crazy shit’s that’s gone down I know it might seem stupid to bring it up, but I want to explain this to you, especially since I… I like you.” He pulled at his shirt. “The scars I was talking about… they’re chest reconstruction scars.”

              “Oh?” Liara had noticed two, faded, crescent shaped scars on John’s chest, but had assumed those could not be the scars to which he was referring, as they did not seem drastic enough to cause panic. It appeared she had been wrong.

              “I panicked, not because of anything you did, but because it’s something I’m still jumpy about. Asari don’t really have what humans would call gender, right? I was worried you’d notice and ask questions, I don’t know.”  

              Liara shook her head. “No,” she said. “We only appear female according to the conventions of other species. But I know what gender is. Most species have it, after all.”

              “I’m a guy,” John said, “or at least, I’m a guy more than I’m a girl. It’s not that big a deal, and as you probably noticed I have a dick that works just fine, but in my case, I only figured it out after puberty, so I still have those scars. I guess I kept them mostly as a reminder.”

              “I suppose that makes sense,” Liara said, “for a species with gender. Is this widely known?”

              Shepard shrugged. “It’s not something I advertise, though Chakwas knows because it’s a part of my medical history.”

              Liara nodded. “Thank you for telling me,” she said. “Would you prefer to keep your shirt on while we coupled? I would not mind, especially if it made you more comfortable.”

              Shepard shook his head. “I think I’ll be alright,” he said. “Thank you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Remember, every trans person's story is different. Shepard's attitudes towards his scars and everything else are not going to be representative of any other person.


End file.
